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  • Sep 06 Thu 2012 23:46
  • girl s



成長,
最殘酷的部分就是,
女孩永遠比同年齡的男孩成熟。

你已經走的好遠好遠好遠了,
遠到我看著你的照片會嚇到,

我是那麼不愛看照片,
可是你已經不是我記憶裡或想像裡的那樣。

好像過去也不是夢一場那麼簡單,
逝去的青春竟顯得些許不堪了,

我從夢裡被嚇醒,
那個夢裡,

沒有你。


其實沒有你的夢境也夠久了,
五年,今年是那個第五年了。

經常想起你的樣子,

結果我們都大了,
大到足以忘記承諾的事情,
你不再,我在。



沒辦法的人是你,

也許會感慨的時候,是老了也不算大了。

留在醫院的卻是我,
我是被留下來的那一個吧?

不管現在我過的怎麼樣,
再怎麼好或不好,

已經是,可以忘懷的大人了吧?

9/7 深深的腦海裡。

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  • Jul 09 Mon 2012 02:43
  • 原來

原來上次發文是我買vivienne長夾的時候

這次我還想買vivienne耳環來著
上班就是一連串的欲望轉換

離職這件事變得很不單純
如果我能比我想的勇敢的講出來
或是任性恣意的說出來

我會開心點吧

而不是像現在那樣想自縊了。


購物滿足痛苦的感覺

7/9 我的媽阿瞧瞧現在都甚麼時候了

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我到底追求甚麼?

沒有一天不責怪自己。

認真的看書,
有很多想法,
用不上,
不如說不相關,

想要的,
想做的,

到底是甚麼?

我好害怕,

就只要虛張聲勢就好了嗎?

逃離開這裡吧,
好嗎?

這樣完全是認輸落跑,
可是,
我已經不想要這麼厭惡自己感覺自己一無是處了。


5/25 好吧就買那個長夾吧。

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今年一樣是個大晴天,
又往高齡產婦邁出一步(中箭落馬)。

最近發生好多事阿,

但生日這天,
好開心。

和人生至今最要好的朋友度過,

一起吃飯一起大笑一起逛街。

看了去年生日的時候的日誌,
充滿了想考上護理師的渴望,

[還有對武士桑的愛來著]

今年考上了,

不能說是不好,
對自己的未來又有新的考慮,

那時候,
希望自己往前走就是笑著,

可是我並沒有讓自己很開心,
也並不是能接受這樣的自己,

甚至有段日子很迷失,
不知道自己能做甚麼。

心破了一個大洞,
眼淚都從那裏流乾了,
哭不出來,
也笑不出來。

這兩天,
覺得大家還是在我身邊,
又有點熱情燃燒起來了。

甚至有點感動落淚。

我們,還是在一起的。

願望的話,
希望親人還有我認識的大家,都很平安健康。[這每年都會是一樣的]
希望今年能找到一個方向,開心的方向。
第三個要藏在心裡。


這一次,
要真正的笑出來。

對自己不埋怨,
能做到的事就要想辦法做到。

開心的認真的大聲的用力的,
生活著。

長大了,
懂得多了。

是幸福的,
很是幸福的。


新計畫要開始做,放著不會自己完成的,
這次真的要改變。

101/3/6 不再害怕恐懼,不管怎樣至少還在呼吸。 

rottenbrain99 發表在 痞客邦 留言(0) 人氣()

這是離職潮嗎?

好像有陣子平息下來,
又開始了。

同學間,
還在護理岡位上的,
對護理還有愛嗎?

認識的說,
我們就是爛草莓阿。

我也只能同意而已,

因為缺乏改變的勇氣,
每天掙扎向上,
從希望自己能好好上班,
到現在希望自己能努力不犯錯早點下班。

缺乏的太多,

一點點的好事就能讓我明天願意去上班,
多數的時候,
卻是責怪自己笨。

要上班了。

領錢做事,

付出的太多得到的太少,
要發薪水我連簿子都懶得去刷,

這就是我選的,
只能嘗試愛他罷了。

1/10 祝我早點下班。

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你喜歡喝什麼樣的咖啡呢?
像我就很常在"拿鐵"跟"卡布奇諾"作抉擇。

這問題,讓我想到已經近三天下班就倒頭大睡。

當我推門踏進咖啡館,
我在乎老闆煮的咖啡是不是比我更香。

是不是比慣常去的咖啡豆店老闆煮得更香。

很小資、很無趣,我知道,我沒辦法靜下來享受空氣;
一個人讓我坐立難安,
只有在家裡,那個屬於我自己的小空間裡,才能有一刻安寧,
前提更要是房間裡沒有電子產品只有書。


吸著有奶泡的咖啡,
喜歡盡量不破壞它的形狀,
家裡沒有打奶泡的工具,
出外喝咖啡就特別喜歡有拉花的模樣。


就算在咖啡館裡也很忙,
沒有書的世界裡,
我不安,我怎麼能這麼悠閒?

總又匆匆的離開了,

忙著跟朋友連絡,
忙著用手機上網,
忙著玩NDSL,
忙著趕日劇進度。

大概是一刻也不能允許自己這樣。

又,
原來我是一刻不得閒,

已經可以接受下一瞬間崩盤的感覺,
但我原本,
只是想過一般的生活,

原來過去是幸福的,

但擁有的同時也在失去。

Then you come to me on a summer breeze.
Keep me warm in your love.

11/6 你總是能比我想的還要多。

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null

真正開始準備考試也許大概只有一個月吧,

雖然一直都很緊繃,
一直隨自己壞心情拒絕別人的好意邀約,
好像哪裡都不去,就可以以此做為交換拿到執照。

也許是想太多,不過這種莫名的小固執,
從以前到現在面對大考的時候果然都沒變,

印的考題、買的捷徑其實都沒寫完,
有點浪費但是就覺得這樣很夠了,
我很努力,
這樣很夠了,

過去也許太不認真了,
面對大考也許這次是我準備的最充足的一次,
儘管這樣說,
其實考前還有內外跟解剖生理沒念完,其實就真的是很混阿。


也許是考運不錯,
不管是用功或是不用功的同學通通考上了,
雖然有點彆扭,
不過其實是終於考上就好了,其他人怎樣都不想管了。


人生看的是結果不是過程吧?
一味的安慰自己也很開心呢"

+++

有同學說:他不希望自己比不認真的同學上班的醫院還差。

不過也不會只是綁死在一個醫院裡,
真正想要的事物其實已經在自己心裡了吧?
不管怎麼說,
果然還是只有自己的想法比較重要。

+++

旅について


旅行最後還是決定去桂林,
因為媽媽記得我好像不太喜歡泡溫泉所以就不去北海道,
不去日本雖然有點可惜,
但事實上我也真的不太喜歡泡溫泉,
就去桂林看看想很久了的劉三姐表演。

+++

考完試確定考上之後,
晉升人生勝利組,

考前像夢一樣,
考後也像夢一樣。

從國小到大學畢業至考完試之後,
我終於能有一刻可以安心的坐在電視機前看著電視,
不會被趕去「用功」。

雖然下段人生才剛要開始,
卻覺得只要我想,好像甚麼都可以成功。

一念之差,差之千釐。

考前一天的晚上,
我躺在床上回想,自己今天一整天做最後的衝刺到底念了甚麼?
卻發現甚麼都想不起來,
一慌,又想起身念書,
最後還是作罷,翻來覆去總算睡著。

可以開心的聊著笑著叫著夢著,
這次,
是感動而開心的哭著。

8/10 可以好好的聽歌、可以好好的生活真是太好了。

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《偷穿高跟鞋》裡提到的詩"

<I carry your heart with me>  by: e.e. cummings
  <我把你的心帶著> 作者:康明斯

I carry your heart with me
  我把你的心帶著
I carry it in my heart
  把他放在我心上
I am never without it
  從不遺下
Anywhere I go,you go,my dear;
  你的足跡貼著我的
and whatever is done1by only me。Is your doing,my darling
  我做什麼你也做了,親愛的
I fearlno fate
  我不懼怕宿命
For you are my fate,my sweet
  因為你是我的命運,我的甜蜜
I want no world for beautiful
  我不渴求萬物
You are my world,my true
  因你就是美麗國度,我的真理.
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
  這是埋藏最深的秘密
Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
  是生命老樹盤根的根源
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life
  花蕾中的花蕾,天外的天空
which grows higher than the soul can hope
  比我們能希望的更高
or mind can hide
  比我們能躲藏的更大
Is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
  像是維繫著星宿的魔法

I carry your heart with me
  我把你的心帶著
I carry it in my heart
  把他放在我心上



6/10 記,第一次為英文詩感動

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  • Jun 07 Tue 2011 15:43
  • 接受

null

我始終很難學會這件事,

總想著應該可以扭轉吧,

不過,
扭轉好嗎?


開始想這件事,

好像多做一點甚麼就可以不要有遺憾,

但那只是我沒有遺憾了,

對方想要嗎?

膽怯也好,
是不是不要再打擾會比較好?


下不了決定,

To be or not to be?

6/7 熱到想打滾的下午

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  • May 28 Sat 2011 22:30
  • 想想

有個相熟、認識10年的友人,面試了大陸與馬來西亞的工作,
聽說是希望能去馬來西亞工作,為了念MBA。

我居然還在為了台中醫院的面試,急救車背藥載浮載沉。

振作。


為他高興,激勵自己。


不是只有這樣而已,
人生不只這樣而已。

不是不期不待,沒有傷害。


絕不是這樣。


30歲前買的小套,
如今看起來卻模糊了一點,


來喝好嗎?
為平凡的人生一杯。

明天還是要好努力好努力好努力。

我們往不同的道路走去了,
有人稍微耽誤,
但好或不好並不能立刻定論。

都還可以再努力。


5/28短中長期目標現在可以理解了。

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  • Apr 21 Thu 2011 23:33
  • 在家

在家容易出家難。出家容易出世難。出世容易入世難。

佛法真理,本不可說,出世入世,亦是假名。姑方便說,都歸一心。究竟何心是出世,何心是入世?當知真心為出世,妄心為入世。出世是佛法,入世是世法。出世是空,入世是有。出世是法身,入世是報身。出世是真,入世是妄,然真妄不二,離開入世,亦無出世。

入世就是出世,出世就是入世。故經云:「如來者無所來,亦無所去。」又云:「如如不動」當知出世入世,乃是體用不二之理。出世為體,入世為用,離體無用,離用無體。佛法真理,如是如是。而凡夫妄生分別,執著入世,則起惑造業;執著出世,則厭離生死。殊不知諸法如幻,生死亦了不可得。


最近,
總是沒辦法擺脫焦躁,
雖然感覺陷入了囹圄,
但就是走不出來。

嚴以律己寬以待人,
嚴以律己寬以待人,
嚴以律己寬以待人,
嚴以律己寬以待人,
嚴以律己寬以待人,
嚴以律己寬以待人,
嚴以律己寬以待人,
嚴以律己寬以待人,
嚴以律己寬以待人,
嚴以律己寬以待人。


雖然知道,
現在的人,
並不像過去那些一樣,

但是分寸拿捏,
總是害怕,


哪裡是界線?


說多了像以前一樣,
說少了我自己又很難過。

我想要的不過就是,
「一起。」


就只是這樣而已,
但是,


沒辦法解決的情況,
除了把別人逼進死角,

甚至讓我身陷其中。


纏繞著,
蜷曲著,



到底該怎麼辦?


我問張先生:難道最後真的只能剩下自己嗎?


"how can i do?"

他說


what can u do?
u'll get better
don't be
don't put too much pressure on urself
it's not good for u
just focus on the thing u're doing right now.


『你不知道你是誰,你憂鬱。你知道你不是誰,你幻滅。』

真的只能這樣了,

不能接受好像也太可笑了一點。


過去的人跟現在的人本來就不一樣,
選擇同樣的方法雖然會有所改變,

但其實是看我自己的選擇吧,


我已經盡到義務了[吧]。

所以說,


今年的課題,

是學會,

「接受。」


4/21 「幻滅。」

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null

相信大家都知道Steve Jobs是誰?如果不知道的人,最近流行的蘋果智慧型手機(iPhone)及Mac Book Pro的CEO就是賈伯斯(Steve Jobs),他的簡報及演講一直以來都是大夥模仿學習的對象,以下就是賈伯斯對對史丹佛畢業生生動的演講,其中最深刻的兩句為:



Stay Hungry、Stay Foolish

(求知若飢,虛心若愚)

以下就是Apple CEO Steve Jobs對史丹佛畢業生演講全文。





'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says

null

This is the text of the Commencement(畢業典禮) address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

null

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out(休學)?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented(態度軟化) a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out(理解). And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be(結果成為) priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy(書法) instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces(字體), about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography(印刷) great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

null


I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out(不和). When we did, our Board of Directors sided with(偏向) him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.(破壞性極大的)

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance (復活). And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick.(有時候生活會用磚頭攻擊你) Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. (唯一做偉大的工作的方法,就是做你所做的事)If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

null

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" (如果今天是此生最後一天,我今天要做些什麼?)And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.(提醒自己生命即將劃下終點,是我知道避免掉入恐懼失去陷阱的最好方式) You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.(最重要的,擁有追隨自己內心與直覺的勇氣,你的內心與直覺多少已經知道你自己真正想要成為什麼樣的人,任何其他事物都是次要的)。

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." (求知若飢,虛心若愚)It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

以上,
雖然建議慢慢讀英文,
不過用菇狗翻譯也不會差太多,


(最重要的,擁有追隨自己內心與直覺的勇氣,你的內心與直覺多少已經知道你自己真正想要成為什麼樣的人,任何其他事物都是次要的)


4/4 你知道嗎?

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在那之前,
我總是要告訴自己,


「你沒有錯。」

就像心靈捕手裡的心理教授那樣對男主角擁抱著說。


只是,
我是對自己說,

唯有那樣子說,反覆說著,
我才能放過自己,

深呼吸著空氣。

因為比較熟的人,
有一個確定上研究所了,
在這之前,都是沒那麼熟的同學要上研究所,
感覺並不強烈,
但這次是輪到較熟的朋友,
所以急躁起來,
情緒化的牽怒了別人,


我到底要甚麼呢?

一張不好考的護理師執照。


那就是,
我所有的價值了。

都賭在那張執照上了。

只要想到這裡,
就開始焦躁起來,
已經無關對錯,

就是不對,
就是不對,
就是不對,
就是不對,
就是不對,
就是不對,
就是不對。


"You're fuckin' perfect to me!"
我輕聲的唸了一次。

如果對我自己來說都不能接受自己,

那還有誰能接受呢?


"You're fuckin' perfect to me!"
"You're fuckin' perfect to me!"
"You're fuckin' perfect to me!"

多念了幾次,

"You are perfect to me."
看著鏡子裡的自己。


「只要你是真心想要,全世界都會聯合起來幫你。」


然後,笑出眼淚來。


P!nk (紅粉佳人)- F**kin' Perfect

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
曾經幾次誤入歧途

Dug my way out, blood and fire
為了找一條出路招致滿身傷痕

Bad decisions, that's alright
那些錯誤的決定 已無所謂

Welcome to my silly life
現在就歡迎來到我那愚蠢的過往

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
被羞辱 欺騙 誤解 如影隨形

Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
失去關懷的問候 但這並不減緩我向前的步伐

Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
遭受誤解 反反覆覆的猜忌 輕蔑 伴隨著我

Look, I'm still around
看 我依然活的很好


Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
like you're less than fuckin' perfect
親愛的 你是否也曾覺得
似乎自己無法達成那別人眼中的完美

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
親愛的 雖然你可能覺得自己一文不值

You're fuckin' perfect to me!
但在我眼中你已是他媽的完美了!


You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
你很過分 你不該如此妄自菲薄地說自己一無是處

Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
請改變你的想法 不用一味追隨別人 反而要讓大家像你一樣

So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
如此的複雜 但希望你依然要樂觀堅強 因為我相信你會做到!

Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
如此無聊的遊戲 充斥著過多的憎恨

It's enough! I've done all I can think of
夠了! 我用了所有我能想到的辦法

Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same
我擊敗了我內心中的惡魔 卻看到你仍在掙扎


Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
like you're less than fuckin' perfect
噢 親愛的 你是否也曾覺得
似乎自己無法達成那別人眼中的完美

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
親愛的 雖然你可能覺得自己一文不值

You're fuckin' perfect to me
但在我眼中你已是他媽的完美了


The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
這世界如此可怕我只能吞下內心的恐懼

The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
我只需要喝罐冰啤酒壯膽

So cool in line, and we try try try,
but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
就讓我們並肩作戰 讓我們努力嘗試
但不管多麼努力 到最後都徒勞無功

Don't looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
不必在意非議 因為這世界充滿了非議

They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
他們不喜歡我的牛仔褲 不喜歡我的髮型

Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
所以我們總是在改變自己 迎合他人的想法

Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
但我們為什麼要這樣? 我為什麼要這樣?
Why do I do that..?
為什麼要如此懷疑自己..?


Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
噢 親愛的 親愛的寶貝啊..!

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
like you're less than fuckin' perfect
親愛的 你是否也曾覺得
似乎自己無法達成那別人眼中的完美

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
親愛的 雖然你可能覺得自己一文不值

You're fuckin' perfect to me
但在我眼中你已是他媽的完美了

You're perfect, you're perfect!
你真是他媽的完美 真他媽的完美啊!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
like you're less than fuckin' perfect
親愛的 你是否也曾覺得
似乎自己無法達成那別人眼中的完美

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
親愛的 雖然你可能覺得自己一文不值

You are perfect to me...
但在我眼中你已是完美無暇...



4/1  You are perfect to me...

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  • Mar 22 Tue 2011 08:39
  • 遙遠

null


為什麼,

總覺得我們靠的很近,
但是很遙遠。


我已經過了需要別人承諾些甚麼的年紀了,

也就是說,
其實我也不那麼相信別人承諾的事了。


不過,

當距離感在我們中間畫出橫溝的時候,

還以為我們握著手,


其實我也只能靠自己了,


因為明白不能去逼迫,

你就是你,

並不是我自己。
我希望的那樣子並不能要求你接受;


明明還牽著手不是嗎?

很恐慌,
慌到沒辦法正常作息。


我到底該怎麼辦?


這樣問著的時候,

其實心裡很明白除了靠自己,所擁有的其實也只有自己,

大概只能握著我的馬尾了。

3/22 可是一定要那麼快嗎?

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null

おさむらいさん生日快樂!!

http://osamuraisan.com/biography 新開設的官網。

開始喜歡上武士桑之後其實都沒好好寫過介紹,

不過今天也是沒打算寫完整[欸]

因為,我是考生阿[泣]
開始戒電腦之後,
也是作報告還有武士桑開生放時才會打開電腦。
後期逼近考試恐怕連生放都要暫停觀賞[哭]

等考上執照就會好好介紹[推廣]一番。

null
喉結!![抓]<---住手
把衣服拉開點吧[欸]

今天是3/20武士桑的生日

・作詞、作曲、讓吉他歌唱
・昭和年間出生於東京,春分時節

~2007年,吹奏樂隊、樂團活動。
2007年10月開始獨自在NicoNico動畫發表作品,以木吉他為主,以各式各樣的形式進行創作。不太會唱歌,所以讓吉他為我歌唱。無法用言語表達的東西也讓吉他為我訴說。

只要喜歡的話,無論是動漫歌曲,或是名不見經傳的音樂人的作品,有時候會,忍不住就試著改編。

發表了椎名林檎的『丸內虐待狂』的木吉他搖滾版本後,知道我的人變多了。在NicoNico動畫的作品總撥放次數超過了200萬次。(不含衍生作品)

在海外也頗富人氣,首次台灣LIVE門票在三分鐘內完售,臨時決定的追加公演也一樣。

常被推薦去當手模,但因為害羞所以無法。喜歡咖啡類的東西。有的時候會當咖啡店店長為大家煮咖啡。

(文章轉自:http://osamuraisan.com/biography)

「首次台灣LIVE門票在三分鐘內完售,臨時決定的追加公演也一樣。」

看到這句又想到搶票那天,
還有看表演那天,

真的很開心。





null

3/20感謝世界上誕生一位療育系吉他手。

並且在日本地震後安然無恙。[這句多的]

null
After listening to him, I think I just had an eargasm.<---雖然很中肯,但我懷疑張先生教我這句是想讓我被警察抓走。



100/3/20 おさむらいさん: (●´ω`●) HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

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武士先生回留言2.jpg
 
SANY0822.JPG
[最棒的禮物?]


今年聽了武士桑唱的Happy Birthday to Lynn~

有死而無憾的感覺阿,媽媽[不對]

又,今天第一時間恭喜我的萌萌,妳是我最要好的夥伴(伸左手上面打叉?)
第二時間恭喜我的阿鼠,很久不見了,各自努力。
屁脆,希望你減肥成功?
綠,也祝你接下來(?)生日快樂,要一直當好朋友到下一個10年。
毛毛,希望你們都身體健康。
赭,忘年之交?果然我的心還是跟年輕人差不多的阿哈哈哈哈哈

(以上沒寫到的晚一點會再補上)

以為很久不見的,再相遇的時候,還是跟以前一樣,
去年的年末,才了解人之間的相連不是我想的那樣淡薄。
是因為團購了圍巾的關係阿。

還有大家,去年也順利的過了,都是有大家的幫忙;
不管是笑著還是哭著,膽戰心驚的一起修過了困難的課,
來到大學最後一個學期,
說甚麼都要一直努力到考上執照。


晴天的時候,一起拿到執照。

願望的話,
希望親人還有我認識的大家,都很平安健康。
希望考上護理師及護士執照。
第三個要藏在心裡。


好開心。


好開心。


相較起從前變得坦率了,並不只是彆扭的小孩。



像空氣裡繖了糖粉,吸一口就要膩到手舞足蹈。

改個哪天,再一起出來玩。



1(1).jpg

100/3/6 沒有下一個百年了,這一次,往前走的時候就是笑著的了。

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故事淚目。


因為現在其實很幸福,
「這樣就很好了。」的念頭一直存在著;


可以說愛的時候,就說出來吧。





楽しい事ばかりじゃない やりたい事ばかりじゃない

並非盡是令人開心的事 也並非盡是些讓人想做的事

僕の毎日 やらなければいけない事がたくさんある

我每天都有很多必須要做的事



速すぎる人の流れに 置いてかれそうになるけど

雖然在川流不席的人潮中也曾差點被遺忘的時候

そんな時 誰かが僕に歌ってくれたんだ

在這個時候 會有某個人為我歌唱



お腹がすいたら帰っておいで 仕事をすませて帰っておいで

如果肚子餓時就回來吧 工作結束後就回家來吧

今日のアンタはよく頑張った 文句も言わずによくやった

今天的你真的辛苦了 一句抱怨也沒說真的辛苦了



帰っておいで 帰っておいで

回來吧 回來吧

涙こぼれそうになったら 帰っておいで

當你想哭時就回家來吧

帰っておいで 帰っておいで

回來吧 回來吧

いつも変わらない場所が 迎えてくれるから

這個不管何時都不會變的地方永遠迎接你回來



理想と現実に挟まれ 何かに追われている日々

夾在理想與現實中間 日子總被某些事物追逐著

一人では抱えきれず しんどくなる時もある

有時也會感到自己一個人無法負擔而疲憊



同じ失敗繰り返して 自分の事が嫌になって

重複著相同的失敗而漸漸地討厭起自己

そんな時 誰かが僕に歌ってくれたんだ

在這個時候 會有某個人為我歌唱



落ち込まないで帰っておいで たまには休んで帰っておいで

不要灰心回家來吧 偶爾也該好好休息 回來吧

今日のアンタはよく頑張った 文句も言わずによくやった

今天的你真的辛苦了 一句抱怨也沒說真的辛苦了



帰っておいで 帰っておいで

回來吧 回來吧

笑顔を忘れそうになったら 帰っておいで

當你笑不出來時 就回家來吧

帰っておいで 帰っておいで

回來吧 回來吧



明日は誰にも見えない素敵な事がある

明天一定會有誰都想不到的美好的事等著你

帰っておいで 帰っておいで

回來吧 回來吧

涙こぼれそうになったら 帰っておいで

當你想哭時就回家來吧



帰っておいで 帰っておいで

回來吧 回來吧

いつも変わらない場所が 迎えてくれるから

這個不管何時都不會變的地方永遠迎接你回來


3/5 明天生日,這輩子,我最高興的就是擁有很棒的父母還有弟弟。

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總覺得那樣是很幸福的事,每天都想跟同一個人聊,
不能聊的那幾天裡就累積話題,有事不能聊很久也無所謂,
這也許是我活到現在最幸運的小事。

只是想寫一下,
怕會把幸福的額度用光,


武士桑的台灣首次Live表演紀實,
這禮拜會趕出來。


2/28 每天都有小確幸。

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你想

大家以前肆無忌憚的在上課時傳紙條,吃便當,打瞌睡聊是非

上大學後

翹課容易,卻沒有高中時代的刻意怠惰帶來的滿足感



你想

大家以前作業抄來抄去就完全搞定

上大學後

報告從網路down load,分數也跟著往下掉



你想

從前排擠別人總會有個類似聯盟的組織

你的盟友總會把討厭的人啊,事啊,當笑話說

上大學後

和大家不熟想抱怨,卻擔心傾聽者的口風



你想

從前上課嗆老師,考試隨便寫,分數高興自己人隨便打

上大學後

嗆老師怕被當,怕擋修怕延畢



你想

以前中午球場爆滿,沒得打但也有得噓

上大學後

中午沒人在打球,有噓聲會被人青



你想

早上升旗 教室裝病 樂隊吹錯 全校鼓掌 校長講錯 噓聲送他

上大學後

大學服一年才穿兩次...



你想

大家以前為了一碗乾麵擠破了頭

上大學後

校外一堆店連吃一頓飯都要想半天



你想

學校真是個鴿子籠,小的要死而且什麼都沒有

上大學後

根本沒有圍牆,站在寬闊街頭的你卻突然感到寂寞



你想

沒事貼在窗戶邊,跟朋友聊天打屁兼哀怨

上大學後

沒事亂走最後只能回到宿舍去



你想

合作社阿姨很機車,校長廢話一大堆

上大學後

你根本不知道校長有啥用



你想

從前那個小教室爛桌爛椅有灰塵,而且剩菜老是掉滿地

上大學後

你不知道你的地盤是哪個角落



你想

每個早晨你知道你踏進教室就可以看見一堆考卷和你的聯考戰友

上大學後

你的生活悠哉悠哉卻好像失重



你想

從前提早到校因為怕教官嫌東嫌西,嫌衣服、書包、頭髮

上大學後

你發現沒人管很自由,卻還要煩惱明天要穿什麼



你想

從前拚死拚活都要偷看或掰個正當理由瞄一眼、電視、漫畫、小說

上大學後

你大可以整天把自己供在垃圾節目前但你感到空洞





你想那些分開很久的好朋友



你想那些時柔時嚴的歐八桑和死老頭



你想那些過去

你發現,就是過去,一切都過去了

你縱然不喜歡現在的模式,但你還是得活



只是有時候

你的高中生活會偷偷地提醒你

你曾經擁有過什麼

至少你曾經這麼活過......

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可以恣意說愛的時候,其實都是奢侈。



2/22 像流動的水一樣,停下來,就臭了。

rottenbrain99 發表在 痞客邦 留言(0) 人氣()

  • Feb 04 Fri 2011 22:41
null

去年最開心的是愛上Mika,
今年最開心的就是愛上武士先生吧(笑)。

可能會說是不切實際,

但是我的生活真的是因為這樣而感到多彩並綺麗。


null

雖然感覺自己沒有成長,
不過張先生說有,既然他說有,我想就是有吧?

人果然是需要被肯定的動物。

就這樣擅自下了結語。


null

張先生問我今年的新願望是?

可以許三個的話,
果然是:

一、考上護理師。
二、考上護理師。
三、考上護理師。

清晰又明瞭的目標阿(笑)。


低潮果然是只能維持一陣子,
聽到武士先生的聲音哪裡還能繼續低潮,活生生的都被治癒了。

2/26得以去借住張先生的租屋處聽武士先生的表演真的是太好了,
難得來到台灣說甚麼都很想去,

進行的很順利就有心情開闊的感覺。

因為對英文還有日文有了新目標,


對這樣的自己感到開心,

與自己對話的同時,果然可以看到真正的想法。


2/4 真的是太好了。

rottenbrain99 發表在 痞客邦 留言(0) 人氣()